Saturday, January 29, 2005
HAPPIE 19TH BIRTHDAY TO JANICE TAY, YANQI & SHANNY!!!!!
crappy DAYS... i hate staying at home. but well, if i dun stay at home i get nagged at coz i didnt stay at home. now when i stay at home, i also get nagged at and sometimes scolded at too. however, when i stay at home, all those naggings and scoldings arent becoz of me. she kept nagging and scolding me for the things that winnie did. i am so so so innocent. sigh. make me no mood to go out also.
why must it always be me? this morning i was nice enough to say i cook lunch for her since i woke up at 12+pm. but den i got scolded her asking her if she wanted to eat. she said i was irritating. helloooo... i was just offering to help her make lunch when i knew she was in a bad mood. and i got scolded for being nice? wat shit... this also teaches me never to open my mouth or be nice to her the next time. cant really be bothered anymore.
i am thinking, why am i so nice to stay at home worrying that if i go out she may be at home alone. rite rite?? winnie and vincci all dun care so late den come home. why must i be the one to stay home always? not as if i stay at home it will be more peaceful or i wun get nagged/scolded at. i get more of those instead. maybe i should start going out again.
sigh... why is my family always full of problems? why???????????? i hate being in this family. i want to get out of this family. but how??? i am stuck. no where to turn to. i know winnie tried committing suicide today. she didnt say but i saw. why cant the two of them just give and take??? say, just let her move out. maybe lidat everyone will be happier. why cant mama just be more modernised and less old fashioned???
life is changing. always changing. i thought about myself. wat will i be doing 10 years down the road? by then i will be 30 yrs old. will i already have a family? with kids? or still single, looking for a job so as to support myself? i know i cannot always depend on daddy. but i also know that i am incapable of working in this society. sigh. life is complicated.
my new year wishes:
1) get out of singapore as soon as possible.
2) get my ABRSM Grade 8 practical by 2006.
3) get driving license if i can spare the time.
4) get a serious boyfriend and settle down so that i can stick to my plan: first job 24 yrs old; married 26 yrs old; 1st child 27 yrs old; taitai 28 yrs old. :)
5) study hard study hard study hard study hard study hard...
6) start saving money to buy grandmama the first diamond i can afford.
7) erm... clear all my National Library Board debts. sums up to $10+++.
8) my international buffet that costs $38.50+++ with ann chowie.
9) cry out loud coz i am feeling so miserable now.
10) cant think of much now. just HONGKONG HONGKONG...
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