Tuesday, April 26, 2005
nitemares started right on that day. when things at home happened and when minghsun left spore. why? i have no idea. but i have been having nitemares for those 2 nites.
sun nite:
dreamt tat daddy left without me. i was all alone. scared and didnt know what to do. didnt know where i was too. i just stood there crying out for daddy. flashbacks. in the end, i woke up crying.
mon nite:
in swiss cottage settings. but pple involved were all not from swiss. just me. i was walking down from 4E6 classroom to the toilet. passed by another classroom. looked in. saw minghsun taking a nap on that woman's lap. the way i always do so on the bus. very sad. broke down immediately. and i woke up crying too.
dreaming about my 2 most impt people in my life leaving me. i cannot live on without daddy. i cant. he's always there for me. whenever i am sad i will sms him and he will call me back. he is my daddy & a best friend. i love him more den anyone else in the family.
and i am really afraid that minghsun would be gone one day too. what if he gets attached with another girl again. seriously i will go mad. i will really break down. the feeling 3yrs back hit me hard. the hit that made me wait. the wait is long. it seems forever. but i will never never stop waiting.
i really dont want to have nitemares tonight. will the nightmares stop? why do things happen together? i am really not that strong. i cant take so much things all at once. is this why mama told me winnie suggested me going for counselling? coz i am just a girl.
i want to cry. i wana cry alone. after that i want to be strong.
i dont want nitemares tonight.
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