Monday, June 13, 2005
i started to wonder, have i become the pillar tat tries to hold the family together? have i become the housekeeper to make sure everyone comes home everyday? have i become the messenger of the family? i am tired. i am very tired. i am tired until a point whereby i just sit down and tears start rolling down helplessly. i am really tired... anyone understands?
why do i keep updating mama on winnie's condition? becoz i dont know what i can do to help her. only mama knows how to console her. i have no choice but to help coz i love winnie. i want her to be happy and not cry everytime she thinks about her results.
why do i tell mama tat vincci and adrian broke up? yes i know i said i am happy for adrian tat they broke up coz my sis is very bad to him. but she is my sis. as a matter of fact, no matter how bad she is i still want her to have the best. i only wanted mama to help her, to talk to her to see if there's any thing she can help with the relationship. does it really have to end? in the end, all i get was a scolding from vincci.
why do i tell mama tat vincci has been on the phone with another person till late at night? coz i want her to think properly about herself and adrian. third parties are always bad pple. not as if she doesnt know. i only want mama to tell her to think properly.
why do i tell mama tat vincci has been going out around midnight and coming home only after 4am recently? coz it has become too often. i was worried tat she may end up with the wrong guy. i was worried tat she may regret breaking up with adrian.
all i want to do is to make her realise how important adrian is to her. he is really one of a kind who plans out everything such as the cost of a flat, furnitures, future expenses, etc. which guy nowadays will be willing to do all these? isnt she blissed to have someone like him? cant she just be contented and not wish for more? being greedy will bring you nowhere in this society.
i care so much about them, why cant they care more about me? vincci doesnt even bother asking me out for dinner when she obviously knows tat i am alone at home. why cant winnie call back when she knows tat i am looking for her? i called her so many times after she left for bintan and all i knew was she contacted yongkiat. i was so worried yesterday nite was she didnt come home tat i cried thinking tat something happened to her only to find out from yongkiat tat she is coming back tonight instead. but i really remembered correctly tat she told me she'll be back on sunday. am i so not important to her? is making a call to me tat difficult?
why am i caring so much when no one cares about me?
ivy, hoiting, yeek, pls keep this to yourselves okie? i dont want my mama to know tat i cried coz i dont want her to waste money and fly back suddenly. it will only worry her more. thanks.
媽媽﹐我好掛住妳啊。
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